Realistic Ways to Practice Self-Care as a Busy Mom by Julia Hogan, LCPC
I am really passionate about self-care. It’s something I talk about a lot with my psychotherapy clients and my coaching clients on a regular basis. But the kind of self-care I advocate for isn’t the #treatyourself version or the skip-out-on-your-responsibilities-in-the-name-of-self-care version. Instead, it’s what I like to call authentic self-care: investing in your own physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual wellbeing so that you can be your most authentic self with others in your life.
While it can be easy to put taking care of the needs of others first and putting your own basic needs on the backburner. This may work in the short term but it will eventually likely catch up with you, leaving you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and on the verge of burnout. (And if you are already feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, this will only add insult to injury.) By prioritizing your own wellbeing, you are investing in yourself so that you can be fully present both now and in the future to your family, your friends, your coworkers, and even yourself.
As a busy mom, this can seem like a tall order and may even spark some feelings of guilt for not having a self-care routine already in place. Or you might be thinking, “Here’s another therapist telling me more things I ‘should’ do when my plate is already overflowing.” I am happy to tell you that I am not here to burden you with more “shoulds” in your life. Instead, I am encouraging you to be creative and find ways to fill up your cup despite your busy schedule, endless to-do list, and the challenges that being a mom can bring.
In that spirit, here are 5 simple and practical tips for practicing authentic self-care as a busy mom:
Acknowledge the challenges without placing guilt or blame on yourself - Yes, this is a form of authentic self-care! One of my clients who is a new mom told me, “All I want to hear from people is that I am doing a good job.” Why not extend this to telling yourself that you are doing a good job - because you are! I think we often blame ourselves for challenges that we face, telling ourselves that we should try harder, do better, or should have prevented this in some way. (Or maybe that’s just me?) But the reality is that while being a mom is incredibly rewarding and a gift, it is also incredibly challenging simply because of the fact that you are raising children while simultaneously juggling many different roles (wife, mother, boss/coworker, house manager, chauffeur, cook...you get the point). Just because there are challenging moments or seasons of your vocation doesn’t mean that you’ve messed up. Instead of blaming yourself, try acknowledging the challenges of your vocation without faulting yourself.
Choose what works for you - Making time to go for a run as a form of self-care might work for one mom but not another. An introverted mom might find a mom’s group incredibly draining while an extroverted mom might consider it the highlight of her week. A mom with a newborn might just wish for a conversation with another adult while a mom with older kids might crave some time in complete silence. Ask yourself, “What area of self-care do I need to focus on and what can I do about it?” Then, choose one small and simple action you can take to help you move closer to that goal.
Be flexible - No day is the same and so it makes sense that building in some flexibility into your self-care routine would be helpful. If you try to hold yourself to a rigid self-care schedule or plan, it is almost guaranteed that you will not be able to follow it perfectly through no fault of your own. The reality is that unpredictable things pop up during your day which require a healthy dose of humor and flexibility. Give yourself grace if you miss a day or if you run out of time for whatever you planned.
Focus on quality and not quantity - The wonderful thing about authentic self-care is that it is about choosing those practices that are most effective for you and not what is the longest or most arduous practice. Try to choose self-care practices that can work with your schedule. You most likely won’t be able to go on a weeklong retreat in the mountains, but you can make time to read for a few minutes (or listen to an audio book), send a voice memo to a friend, go for a walk, make a commitment to get dressed each morning, or attending therapy regularly. Choose something small that packs a punch!
Don’t be afraid to ask for help - Whether it’s your husband, family member, or friend, don’t tell yourself that you have to do it all alone. Reach out to your support network and ask for their help so that you can put some of your selected self-care practices into action. Advocating for yourself is not only an important aspect of authentic self-care but it also sets a beautiful and powerful example to others in your life, including your children. Don’t be afraid to ask someone to come over so you can shower or run out for coffee by yourself. You will come back refreshed and recharged which is the whole goal of self-care.
