The Experience of Therapy by Bridget Buscker

“Isn’t therapy for people who have REALLY big problems or diagnoses?”

I remember thinking that therapy was only reserved for those who experienced traumatic instances in their lives or received serious mental health diagnoses. I didn’t think minor challenges or struggles were worthy of help. 

I was so wrong and I am so glad that I am.

I initially started therapy after the unexpected death of my cousin a few years ago. It rocked my world and I was not coping well with the aftermath of emotions and struggles I experienced. I remember a good friend of mine asked me, “Have you thought about counseling?”, and I panicked. Am I that bad? Am I not able to deal with this myself?

When my anxiety was peaking and I wasn’t coping well day-to-day with my worries and fears, I knew that my girlfriend was right and I was listening to a podcast about healing and therapy through Blessed Is She. The interviewee said that she and her husband gave her permission to not be okay and that the healing process, although hard and messy, is so essential. I broke down crying as I listened. I needed to give myself permission to know that it’s okay to not be okay and I didn’t need to have it altogether. It was okay that I was grieving and struggling.

I prayed to God, “Lord, send me the right people. Please, send me the right people. And, help me to be open to them.”

Shortly after saying this bold prayer, I submitted a request through Catholic Psych Institute for a Catholic therapist in my area. I received a call and found out that this particular therapist was located about 10 minutes from my home and 10 minutes from my work - it was an ideal location. Their mission is all about “making all things new”, and, wow, did I crave newness in my life.

When I went to my first session, I was so nervous. I had an initial intake call and really liked this doctor over the phone, but all my defenses, preconceived ideas, and worries were surging. And, my therapist reassured me that this was all very normal and invited me into conversation. Those first few months were especially hard work, opening up, sharing my heart, revealing the wounds that I struggled with for years. But, in the process, I was experiencing healing. My anxiety was lessening, my heart was feeling more free, and my mind was less knotted up in worries and fears. It didn’t mean that everything magically went away. It didn’t! But, I was learning tools and I was rewiring my brain to address worries and fears in new ways. God was helping me make all things new. I ended up working with this particular therapist for over a year, beyond the initial struggles with my cousin’s death, and digging into other areas of my life that needed some extra help. 

Chris Stefanick, Catholic speaker and author, once said, Your mind is like a bad neighborhood. Don’t go in it alone! For the longest time, I had been going in on my own, trying to untwist and unlearn bad habits, problematic thinking patterns, and problem solving my issues. I needed someone to help me, to go in and explore, and to help me see my heart & mind in new ways to grow and to heal.

You might be reading this and wondering, So what does this have to do with motherhood? For me, everything! 

When I decided to end my sessions with my therapist at the end of that next year, mostly due to being in a much better place than I had been when I started, I was also 7 months pregnant. He spoke to me about the fact that if I needed help at any time, he would be here for me and that there is no shame in seeking out help. I remember leaving my last session, tears in my eyes, feeling my baby kicking inside of me, and thinking, He makes all things new.

After my daughter was born, I found myself to be in a good place mentally and emotionally. I was very grateful and knew that, in part, this was due to new tools I had learned in my work in therapy previously. But, I also gave myself permission to know that I could seek out therapy at any time. It didn’t mean I was a bad mother, it didn’t mean I was failing, it didn’t mean that I was going backwards in healing (that’s just not possible). By giving myself permission to seek out therapy if I needed and giving my husband, family, and close friends permission to speak to me if they thought I needed extra support, I gave my heart space to breathe. I was giving myself the opportunity for increased healing, learning more about myself as a mother, and helping me to become a better mother, too!

About 3 months postpartum, I went back to work and found my emotions reeling. COVID-19 was in full force, I was set to work part-time and at home, and my daughter would be with me (which I was so grateful for!). But, I found my mind in all places, trying to do it all and feeling like I was struggling, even failing at times. I was really not looking forward to going back to work and loved maternity leave. But, I knew this was good and needed for our family and I had the opportunity to be home with my baby, too! I knew this was a great setup, so why wasn’t I happy?

I remember crying, reading through emails, and my husband came up to me, hugged me close and said that I was doing a great job. He was and is so supportive! I looked at him through my tears and said, I need help. I’m not doing well. I just need help with how to navigate this. 

My husband was so supportive, he told me to reach out to my doctor and my therapist and I went back to the same group of therapists, this time finding someone who worked specifically with postpartum adjustment. Again, that prayer rose to my heart: Lord, send me the right people. I knew this therapist, focusing on maternal health, was someone I needed, so I gave her a call. We had a great intake call and she reminded me that I wasn’t unraveling my previous healing, continued healing is a beautiful process, and I was so brave for reaching out and recognizing that I needed extra support.

I could have figured it out, given it time, and probably have been just fine. But, I realized through previous experience, that I could be proactive and let someone in to help me instead of trying to do it all by myself. I wasn’t experiencing any major postpartum issues of depression and/or anxiety, but it was still hard for me. And, that was enough for me to know that I needed help and I didn’t need to compare to other moms or ask Dr. Google. I searched my own heart and knew that I needed some extra care - I was worth it.

Therapy has been such a great gift to my heart & mind, my personhood, helping me to become whole. It allows me to learn who I am and the worth that I possess because of who I am: daughter of the King. God provided me with the right people and continues to provide me with the right people, but I know it comes with a disposition of openness of my own heart. Don’t be afraid of where God leads you, don’t be afraid of seeking out help!

You are so loved and worthy of help. I truly thought I was beyond help and healing would never be possible, but that is so far from the truth and a lie that comes from the pit of hell. You are worthy of healing and when you choose to get help, you are choosing amazing bravery and to take care of yourself in order to take care of those around you.

A friend once told me, There are those who are in therapy and those who need to be. We can all benefit from a good therapist, an open heart, and willingness to surrender our pride and defenses in order to seek peace, hope, and newness.